How true.

I move on to another chapter of my life..it seems everything is so timely and more importantly, a sign for me to move on from where i left of.

It's a good sign, so be happy for me. :)

i am not going to lie, and yes, i usually write when im down
i hate myself for allowing myself to feel this way, i know i shouldn't but i can't help it, i really can't.
i feel so fucking helpless at times
i have been searching for something meaningful but often get embroiled in meaningless relationships.
i am tired of the mindless games i used to play
i am sick of the games we played
i am disguisted the way i act the way i  act
i am sad that we have to do this
i dont understand
i just wanna feel
i just wanna feel
i just wanna live

i just wanna live

over lunch, it was awkward. though familiar, there was an air of discomfort. the exchanging of words & instances passing appear superficial and transient. you know it was pretty trying to be where i am now when there were perfect moments.."talk is cheap", i joked one day..well, nothing really changed, people move on because they have to.

it was great meeting you. good bye..

a conversation i had with a senior. she thinks sometimes people do not need to follow their heart(s), we'd just have to do the right thing and we'll be at peace. I replied, if one doesn't follow his heart, who is to say what is the right thing (she later argued the heart and emotions are irrational, and only the knowledge and mind are rational). well, for obvious reasons, the conversation never had a concrete conclusion. and then i asked myself if I've followed my heart all these years, and the obvious is, HARDLY. by and large, i used too much head, almost negligible heart (emotions). i am one who does not allow emotions to overtake my head (rationality), if u say it's because of pride, i'd be an idiot to deny that fact. today, i found the answer - i never really did anything right.

xxx xxx xxx xxx

hello all! its been too long! it's now 2009 & almost 2 yrs since I last blogged. i've been good, nothing's much changed but i've definitely grown older (very visible,LOL) but a tad wiser.

its time to update you guys on my life, my dear friends. I'm still alive and kickin', of course. surviving fine i guess.
my introduction to the corporate world is indeed pretty interesting, witnessed the infamous office politics - back-stabbers, gossips, hyprocrites and the what-not.
citi is the right place to start with, i feel. reasons being:

1.you get a good mix of people - the really talented ones, the not-so-talented ones (duh!), and the work-so-hard-for-nothing ones but interestingly, you rarely find the
lazy ones (citi is not called "you-know-what" for nothing). haha.
2.you learn how to deal with people and matters (always learn how to cover your ass and always have disclaimers in place)
3.you learn the importance of time management and organisational skills (come on, i admit i suck at both)
4.gaining the relevant knowledge aside, i actually enjoy learning new things every single day, and we do learn new things every single day in citi, never a day passes you by with the same shit you faced yesterday (fortunately or unfortunately)
5.application of critical thinking on my work (the nature of my job requires us to think of alternative solutions constantly, as we can never depend solely on the systems)
6.i also learn how to deal effectively with stress and loneliness - now i understand why people work so late into the nights in banks.
 -first, its not that they want to, they really that shit loads of work to deal with
 -secondly, they really have no time for many small luxuries in life and as a result, they face a very different type of loneliness - not the need to feel loved and to love, but the lack of real companionship.
 -thirdly, they then realize the true value of close friends/family/weekends (haha!)

not sure if i'm gonna stay long in the corporate world, let alone citi. so far so good, not feeling all so negative about the corporate world, its pretty exciting in fact.

shall stop blogging about work. will update you peeps on my life very soon. at least let me think of something interesting first...

haha.

indeed. work's taking quite a bit of my time but I'm certainly not succumbing to becoming a no-lifer yet! haha.

mondays to fridays are usually work, work and WORK. but im not complaining, and in fact, I find work quite challanging. of course, with the challanges you face stress too. the girls and i havent stopped going to dragonfly (thats too bad!) after all, but we've cut down on the number of times, so its all good.

i really miss my university days - not that i miss gg for classes, but i miss waking up late or missing sch. haha. the fact that im blogging here right now is because I am on mc today (flu virus), and i feel bad for staying at home while my colleague is covering my work for me. sigh, it's life lah.

there are so many things in life i have yet to explore, maybe i should start soon, maybe i should.

till then. :) 

today marks my last day as a bummer...

feels kinda weird, happy and sad.

maybe i should really take Land Banking as my sideline since i would really need to be financially stable first, before embarking on something that challanging. will see how.

well anyway, who wants to watch ALONE??? i sure dont wanna watch ALONE alone cos it's the 7th month! argh!

right now, im staring at this blank space thinking of what to write. no dont get me wrong, the reason why im writing this is not merely for the sake of updating my blog, but really, because i need to keep track of my life. well recently, my life has been slow and steady, nothing really interesting or exciting to share with you guys. the most wonderful but tiring thing i think prolly would bore u all to death is that i have "officially" become a baby-sitter this week. my maid was sent back to her hometown after a series of lying, laziness and "keng" stunts, i was then made the back-up maid! just because i havent started working and that i have more time to spare! thank god for the fact that i love kids, if not i'd have gone madddddd like now. seriously would have gone berserk. just imagine the noise ethan makes and the endless crying from asher. argh. oh well, i take all that shit in good faith and still loves them dearly. what a great aunt i am,  must be damn proud of myself! hahaha.

ok, am going to digress right now. been visiting dragonfly everyweek since i was back from UK. can someone please wake us up? no? because i'd be back at DF tmr! gosh...pam and qiujie have been obssessed since god-knows-when! anyway, yutaki, charlie, william scorpion and a few really HOT dancers have helped DF's  business grow a BIG bit.so i guess its bubble is not gg to burst yet. im still waiting for THE DAY the girls tell me they are FINALLY SICK OF THAT PLACE. it's fun, indeed but gg everyweek is rather scary, dont u think? no, its a rhetorical question, so no answers expected from anyone. hahaha. im crazy too.

ok, till the day i start work, here's 3 cheers to idling and slacking and msn-ing like no one's business and pigging-out! :)

sometimes i wonder if there's something wrong with my attitude or if it is simply her problem with me. seriously, i dont get it at all. its always been about me. indeed, all these years, I havent been the smartest one, the goody one,the most sensible one,  the most whatever-you-can-think-of. but there's something i think she should understand, that everyone's different. you can't expect me to live up to your expectations all the time. gosh, sometimes i wish i could just move out of home and live by myself.

help me, is there anyway i can salvage my relationship with my mum.

sigh.

like what the hell?!?!

Anyhow, a bummer like me shouldnt have much to update except for the obvious - on a job hunting quest and a few occasional outings and gatherings with friends. Isn't that so? haha. all the time, my ah ma constantly reminds me to pray/wish for 2 things. To get a decent job... and something more which may be more important to my family members than to myself (to get a decent boyfriend!) the issue on the latter really makes me laugh, because on one hand, i wish i could meet the right person, on the other, i wish the person would arrive to shut my aunties' mouths.

seriously, i wish i could be less free and that would be the day im employed! HAHAHA. but for now, i'll continue with my taitai wannabe lifestyle. Well, I don't live like a KING like someone out there, so i'm just gonna make do with what I have. Till then! :)